Revealing A Horror Of Mine

When it comes to this forum I am usually an active poster about anything because there hasn't been something I wanted to hide. But for the past months I have been hiding something because every time I thought about it, it just created a mixture of rage, stress, and depression that lead me to become more distant to friends and family and spend some nights awake all night and never sleep just because the memories haunted me.

So here it goes....Have you ever thought that never anything extremely bad will happen to you? This is what I thought because I always thought it would be easily prevented and for the past months I felt like shit. On November 20th 2010 my mother committed suicide and I was the one who found her. I have been questioning myself because some part of me wants to tell the entire story on the forums and I have no clue of why I want to. Can someone tell me why I want to because this certain thing is something I aint used to.

Well, this is some pretty serious business, but your answer can definitely be found here.

The simple reason for you psychologically coming onto this forum and telling us this is because sub-consciously, you want to talk about this with someone. However, you do not yet feel comfortable enough to speak of this with someone personal, ie; a close family member or friend. This is quite understandable. You can talk of anything here, and I assure you that all the members [who still show up here] will help you as best as a friend on the internet can.

Desert, I am sorry for your loss. Death is something everyone should be able to relate to in some way or another. If you need anything, you know that you have people here who can help.


Also.... I know this is April Fools Day, but I'm going to trust my intuition that this isn't some sick, twisted, excuse for a joke.

Dont worry about the joking part when I wrote this I didn't realize the date until 2 hours later in my class.

This is the link to my mothers obituary

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/azcentral/obituary-preview.aspx?n=leah-maria-bianchi-holm&pid=146809757&referrer=45

Sorry to hear about the death, I'm praying for you and your family.

Sorry to hear that desert. were here for ya

Oh hun I am so sorry! If there is anything you need please tell me. We are all here for you whenever you need us. Honestly I'd hug you if I could, but the internet is still lacking teleportation capabilities. If you ever want to talk to someone, you know where to find us all. I know it will be a long road until you have dealt with all of the emotions of the situation, but you have friends and family to help you along the way. Don't forget that we love you!

Agreed Ducky.

I can completely understand where you're coming from. :-/

I won't say "sorry", because when I was in that situation, hearing sorry a hundred thousand times just made me angry and didn't help at all. But I've been there before, know where you're at, and we're all here for you.

I've had quite a number of deaths of people I've known very well over the past few years (though luckily for me, I've never been the first one to actually find them, as was in your case - I imagine that must've been a horrible experience for you), including my closest friend for many years dieing of cardiomyopathy a few years back (I'm not too keen on sharing my own stories, so I won't go into too much detail).

Like Ducky said, if you need anything at all, let us know.